I wish you could order shots online.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Alive.
So much puke
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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