I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i would punch a child for taco bell
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
