New invention idea: vibrating tampons
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Alive.
So much puke
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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