highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
