I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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