She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
