Have you finally orgasmed yet?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
