I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
