Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
