My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
