drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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