Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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