I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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