I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
