I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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