If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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