grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
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