So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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