Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
