Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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