Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
