stop calling my apartment porn island.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
