Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
