Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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