youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
