My first STD was from a foam party
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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