How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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