sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
