pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
