I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
