His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
