I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
