i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
