Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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