It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
