Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
