the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
