in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
