You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
