Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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