didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
