I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
