Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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