All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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