I want to stick my p in your. b.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
