Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
