um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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