Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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