You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
