o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
