Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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